Lately, things have been going rather differently, and it was rather unexpected. She has been acting strangely, probably from the stress and another reason that I wouldn't want to discuss here. My mom asked me wierd questions too, like whether I hate her or not. And I've been under sudden bouts of stress that descend down once in a while. It's so close to exams..and yet I'm not putting in 200percent of hardwork...

I don't want to be the one thinking too much, because more often or not things don't actually turn out the way you think appear to. It's either I sort it out, or I simply try to brush it aside. Nahx..can't be ignoring it all day long, for the problem is always there. I'll have to be pray, and seek His comfort. My, I must have been placing too much focus and emphasis on people. And disappointments accompany those xpectations. Humans cannot be void of expectations. It is humanely impossible, unless you're a dead crap. It's just to what extent you belong to, which side of the continuous variation. Such distraught isn't that useful at this point of time. I've to sort it out, make a decision to push forward and remain focus. My focus has to be broadened, look at things from a wider perspective, and take things into my stride. Afterall, there is only one life, and we have to live it, not regret it.

My mum told me that life is never perfect. So no matter how perfect you want it to be, it'll never be. I guess it is true, and shall have to cast some of the unrealistic ideals aside. Be a little bit more jaded. Jess said to me that she's a rather jaded person, and that could be due to her family upbringing. And maybe i'll never be as jaded as she is, or she'll never be as zestful for life as i am. That could be the reason why we're walking this life together. Complements attract, it seems. And complements stick, or so I hope it to be. Ultimately, it's back to communication between both person, and how much they effort they are willing to put in. My mum also said something about two persons not turning out well if either one is not committed or is not trying to make it work. She continued to say that mothers who refuse divorce because of their children's sake is rather selfish. Didn't she tell me that she stayed on was partly due to my sake? But she finally concluded that she doesn't think this way anymore, and she is staying strong for God. She wants to shift her focus from my dad to God, and when her relationship with God is strong, she'll be able to have a strong relationship with my dad. God has to be at the centre of the relationship, any relationship. That should be the conclusion of that discussion.

Lord, help me find strength to go on strong.