sermon today mentioned that love is not about feelings, but is a decision, and requires sacrifice.

after reading a letter from a friend, with the question, why me?, i couldn't come up with an exact answer on the spot, but a feeling inside me knows of the desire. in life there are so many uncertainties. sometimes too many that we just feel so out of control. but when i take a second look at it, there are ways to work it out. these ways may seem difficult and often unlikely in our current situation, but placing myself in the future, it might not be such a tough measure afterall. the intimidating foresight of the future could be a stumble-block of what is happening now. fear can be a strong motivator (quote from tv series 'dexter').

we live in a world surrounded with fear. fear of death, fear of insufficient means, fear of ill health, fear of the boundless uncertainties. our desire to be in control seems not so plausible in light of such fears.

so we must have faith. know why we make certain decisions for. evaluate them. understand them. and listen to the heart. why me? can be a straightforward question, or it can be a question that stops one in one's track, pausing for a second thought.

i commit this burden to the Lord. may He continue to protect, and provide His abundant grace. God's timing is perfect, and He is in control, not me. so i shall pray, and let God be the judge, for He is my creator and the all-powerful king that controls the stars and the seas.


this christmas period didn't exactly felt like christmas. but im really grateful for my family gatherings, to know who are the ones that i should truly treasure.

it just feels like i'm chasing behind you. with all the delays and trouble. my only venture nearer to you, only to realise you have journeyed further away.

like what i told jeff. the weather can be generally predictable with science, but the weather can never be controlled by man.

Am i letting this stress take over? it doesn't feel that scary, but deep down inside, i know the adrenaline rush is heightening my ability to absorb information, preparing me for battle.

the work doesn't seem to end. the preparation never finding its way to the end.


i just don't feel prepared.


and i don't seem to want it arriving. for that means judgement. i would have to come to terms with whatever result i get, and the hope and eagerness to do well would face its reality. but time doesn't stop, and we would have to keep going.

a simple reminder

Lately I have found myself to be reluctant to study, revise, and to process the information learnt. I have avoided my revision schedule, and have fallen back on my work. Work has not been productive. And I know I need to improve.

And when I did my daily devotion today. I was reminded that we need to DO, and not just HEAR the Word. The creation of a beautiful garden is inspirational, but without perspiration, the beautiful garden would not become reality. This is very true and very relevant to everything in life, especially to the work I'm shunning away. The Christians that marvel and felt inspired by testimonies and uplifting music in church, but walk out of church having trouble finding time or difficulty making effort to follow through, James described them as being like those who look in a mirror, see themselves, but do nothing to fix what is wrong (James 1:23-24).

And to end of the daily bread's message for the devotion, 'Life works best when we do'.

That is what I'm going to carry out tomorrow onwards.

I recently read about a few articles online which caught my attention. One of them was the massive craze regarding the philippine lottery record prize money of 16.73 million US dollars. I was quite saddened that over 1/3 of the population was living on a dollar a day, and are spending money on a 'hope' that they can get out of the poverty cycle. It is understandable that the prize money is very attractive, and there is a chance (one out of 29million) that they might get the right combination, but it is simply heart-rending to know that they are using up the little amounts they have to purchase a relatively expensive ticket, and this would not happen just once, but again and again when the prize money accumulates in the future.

The other article was about the north korean artillery bombardment of the island in south korea. I have personally heard live artillery shelling, have seen the devastating effects of its impact. I sure do hope another war doesn't surface.

And work has been hectic. Exams are round the corner. And the pressure to do well and to revise effectively before revision week begins has increased tremendously. So I pray, that the Lord will take me through, with wisdom and strength.